Good morning everyone. Yesterday (Friday) morning we had our last u/s appointment in Maple Grove. Everything was generally looking good. Both Laurencia and Georgetta had good cord blood flow and MOVEMENT. I swear, since the very beginning we’ve been told they are so active every single time we go for an ultrasound– as if you need to tell me. More on their activity level later. Only thing we couldn’t see was Laurencia taking “practice breaths”. Believe me, the nurses, doctor and sonographer tried–for a long time! Essentially, taking these practice breaths is just one thing we look for but happens to be the first thing that stops when/if a baby is beginning to show signs of distress. At least that is how it was explained to us. Since everything else was good, it is not as if huge alarm bells were ringing. However, since Laurencia has all along taken some of these practice breaths, it was at least cause for concern/pause/re-thinking, along with some other factors. Given that I was slated to come in here Monday, that I’ve started to have concerns about something happening between Friday and Monday (the dr. called it mother’s intuition) and just the overall sense that we need to do as much as we can to try to help Georgetta make it, the doctor and I had a long discussion. I was so very appreciative of her candor and cautiousness. She felt it was the best decision to come three days earlier than planned, i.e., check into hospital last night, rather than wait for Monday. Part of me was screaming, “No, No, NO!! I’m not ready to leave my babies!” And the other part was urging me to do anything I can for our sweet little pea. It’s the only thing I CAN do for her. While we were waiting to see if Laurencia would take some practice breaths, we were basically just sitting there with the u/s probe aimed at her chest. This went on for quite some time, Matt and I may have even closed our eyes for a bit. At one point I was staring at the screen thinking, “Breathe, just take one breath so we can go about our day and know everything is fine for now.” And then all of a sudden something hit me and instead I was praying, “Don’t do it (breathe) if you’re trying to tell us something.” The dr. also said later that we can either ignore these signs or listen to them. We all chose to listen, knowing full well it could mean NOTHING! But the risks of it meaning something is a risk to Georgetta’s life. A risk none of us thought worth taking.
To say I was anxious, worried and scared to drop everything and leave home is a huge understatement. I had planned to clean my house, get everything ready, take kids school supply shopping….and mentally prepare for leaving my babies. HOWEVER, as the dr. noted, none of those things really matter. Matt and I couldn’t disagree.
So, I drove home, called our good friend Joanie, asked her if she could have Gabby for the big softball state tourney this weekend, and started cleaning up and packing. I told the kids about my having to leave and as expected, Polly took it pretty hard. But rather than sit and cry, she was busy in her room with a secret that she said I couldn’t see. 🙂 She was very focused on this task of hers. Joanie brought us pizza and all of the plates etc. so I didn’t have to worry about dinner. Joanie is an angel, and I don’t mean just yesterday. She does things like this ALL of the time. She had an angel helper too, my other good friend, Jill. They brought me this mounted picture to hang in my house:
I could hardly thank them through tears. I’ll leave it to you to decide how you interpret this image. I know how I do. What a precious gift, but their friendship an even more precious gift.
So eventually I realized the inevitable was upon me and got my things together and all of the kids and we headed down here. We had to get Anabella from Laura’s. Bella was having quite a hard time as well since it was supposed to be her special Mommy and Bella Day and I don’t think she realized I really had to go Monday for so long. Once we arrived here, the kids were ok checking out my new digs and were in generally ok spirits. I kept focusing on the end of this stay, that it WILL end, I WILL go home and this hospital stay WILL be in the past. It was a calm transition to check in and get settled in. Polly then gave me her gifts she had been working on. Of all the things and trinkets she has and could have brought me (they often give me plastic bead necklaces, bouncy balls…), I have no idea what made her decide on this most perfect thing, a little wooden crucifix. Last night I was staring at it remembering how at the beginning of all of this I asked God to allow this cup to pass me. I sat here, missing my home and family, wishing I could save Laurencia and staring at Jesus who asked the same of His trial. But it did not pass Him. And He accepted it for me, for all of us. This cup, this leaving my kids, this being pregnant with Laurencia and knowing the outcome, I can do it because of what He did for me and because He did, Laurencia gets to be with Him forever.
She also gave me a crucifix necklace which I’m wearing. Her face when they had to leave me last night is just haunting me. It was a kind of sadness I haven’t seen but she was trying to be so strong through it. I talked to her late last night when they got home and reassured her I’ll see her today. I was also texting Gabby quite a bit after they left and she was sad too and told me all of the kids cried in the car. Hard to hear but at least by knowing about it I can think of ways to help comfort them from afar. Side note: POOR WYATT! Right before we got out of the car to come up to my room we found out that the new bunny they’ll be getting is a GIRL too. He was holding back tears. 😉
I was already monitored last night after my family left and these baby girls are WILD. They have been all along. It’s going to be a 2 hour fetal monitoring fest 3x per day because it’s so difficult to keep them on the monitors. I will have ultrasounds at least 3x/week as well, more if necessary. The nurses were also registering regular contractions happening last night and this morning but I think it’s because of the stress of yesterday as well as me not having had much to eat or drink what with all of the chaos. Other medical thing was that I received the steroid shot, which is for development of the girls’ lungs.
Today brought early sunshine and a new day. I told Matt and Laura that maybe it was better to come in last night vs. Monday, kind of like ripping off a band-aid, just get it over with quickly. I really was not prepared at all to leave the kids yet. As with everything, we will be ok thanks to awesome aunties, fabulous friends and a handsome hubs. I may be a wretched writer but I can appreciate a good alliteration ;). As if his being handsome has anything to do with his being the best daddy/husband ever, but still, it works for me.
So this morning I dried my tears and got myself going for the day tackling things I had yet to do and can do from here. I’m going to roam a bit now and see what kind of trouble I can get into. I’m very fortunate not to have to be on strict bed rest. Please pray for all of the mommies and babies who are here dealing with various issues and/or complications.
One last tidbit. My nurse and dr. were just here and the dr. mentioned that this building is old, it used to be St. Mary’s. I was born here! I never knew where it was or realized that this was the place. And here through 4 girls I saved using a version of my name for Georgetta. Pretty neat right?
We feel every prayer and we are so grateful for all of the help.